Last week I walked into a storytelling event.
Before it started, we gathered in an adjacent room where an artist had set up an exhibition. There was music, drinks, and conversation. And in the middle of it all – a life model.
She was a woman. Fully undressed. Posing in a room full of people who were fully clothed, drinking merrily, and chatting loudly. The male model beside her had his top off. He got to wear a jacket.
I watched her reach over to him, quietly, and I could see she was asking him to cover her up. Nobody else seemed to notice.
I turned to my friend and said, “I can feel how uncomfortable she is.” And then I had this wild, fleeting thought – I should take my top off too, in solidarity. Obviously, I didn’t.
But the impulse told me this: the dynamics in that room had shifted entirely against her. She had become the spectacle and the exhibit. The body on display, while everyone else remained safely and fully clothed.
What I wanted to say to her, but didn’t, as I spent too long debating if that would make her uncomfortable:
“You are beautiful. You don’t have to do this. And whoever booked you should have told you exactly what you were walking into.”
Because I doubt she knew. I doubt she consented to being a naked woman in a room full of strangers who weren’t there to draw her – they were there to drink, socialise, and be entertained.
That’s not a life drawing class. That’s commodification. And it made me so angry for her, and every woman.
Here’s what I know as a practitioner
By the time a woman reached over to ask for someone to cover her up, she had already long stopped being able to say no. That moment wasn’t the beginning of her discomfort. It was the visible tip of something much older. And I felt violated on her behalf.
Women’s bodies have always been asked to perform. To sell, evoke, give life, absorb, and endure.
And yet, when those same bodies need support? During monthly cycles, pregnancy, postpartum, perimenopause, and menopause?
Suddenly, the room goes quiet… or we’re too much. Or are expected to manage it privately, efficiently, and without disrupting the comfort of everyone else.
The imbalance didn’t start in that room. The undercurrents became visible to those of us who choose to stay conscious.
For the practitioners reading this
When a woman shows up dysregulated (anxious, frozen, people-pleasing, unable to say no), don’t just address what’s on the surface.
Ask what room she’s been standing naked in. Ask how long she’s been waiting for someone to protect her from a society that continuously takes from her because of what women and girls were socialised to be. Ask who told her this was just part of the deal.
Her discomfort isn’t a symptom to manage. It’s a sign that she has been unheard for a very long time. See below the surface. That’s where she actually lives.
If this landed for you, apply for our AuDHD Women’s Practitioner masterclass. I’m introducing the thinking behind the newest addition to the TOTI framework: Safety, Capacity & Sustainable Living.
This lens shifts the question from “How do we help her cope better?”
To: “What conditions would allow her to stop surviving so hard?” Which changes everything.
#AuDHDWomen #AuDHD #PowerDynamics #PractitionerTraining
