May 25

The Ambush by an Oracle Yogi


In the deep recesses of your mind, is there an image of a suspicious looking white turban-wearing man with unruly long beard complete with a white ensemble?

Certainly in my subconscious. But I have to say, that such image in my memory had only been from scenes of ‘Eat, Pray, Love’. Where it rightfully belonged in an ashram. That, or somewhere spiritual, such as a temple. Or on the streets of India during a holy festival. Anywhere, but not where I am about to tell you.

I met an Oracle Yogi. His looks hint at ancient wisdom and his smell was suitably pungent. To meet him, I did not have to go to a temple. In fact, all I had to do was push my office chair to my desk and walk on to the streets. That’s right. I met the man who was about to teach me a few things today on the high streets of London.

Let’s call him Ogi. Ogi was dressed in a white kaftan and did not fit in with the smart streetwalkers in this part of town. Upon introduction, Ogi unzipped his leather purse to reveal a couple of creased pictures of yogis sat in numerous flexible positions. One of which was a yogi in a lotus position, surrounded by worshipping disciples draped in materials the colour of mustard.

I assume that was an ancient equivalent to a modern business card.

By experience, one word shot to mind, ‘SCAM’! But wait a tick. Something he said made me stay despite my best efforts.

“Let me tell you, miss. You have to so much believe me. You are a very intelligent laydee and in this life, you will have so much of successes.”

“Actually (as he conjure more wisdoms from his mind), August! August, is your most lucky month!”

“But you have one weakness. This weakness will make it hard for you to achieve success. You know what your weakness is?”

(What are the odds of singling a girl out on the street and telling her these things?)

He hastened to scribble something on a piece of white paper, folded it, and put it in my hand. Next, I was asked to write 3 numbers and 3 flowers, then circle one of each. I circled the number ‘3’ and ‘rose’. He then instructed me to unfold the paper in my hand that he gave me earlier. In it, were those exact two answers.

Ogi got excited. He did not stop there, oh nooo… Ogi was on a quest to convince me that he can see into the future.

Next, he threw in a variety of guessing games, such as the number of siblings I have. I did not believe him for one second. This only reminded me of a game I used to play when I was a child. I became rapidly convinced that he was going to mug me.

Sensing that I was slipping away, Ogi played his trump card.

“But now I am going to tell you, miss. Two men currently love you. But you only think of one. But it does not matter, because this year a new gentleman will come into your life.”

Priceless. Except that this tale came a few years too late!

“No, no, no!”

“I see there is also one laydee who is very jealous of you. Do you want to know who this laydee is?? If you want to know, I should at least get (in which he scribbled – £20, £30, or £50).”

Threatened, I wasn’t able to take in anymore premonition! Ouch, my head hurts! So I turned his ambush around to a pep talk.

“I know what yogis do”, I said, “I enjoy meditation and go to yoga classes. Aren’t yogis meant to spread peace and spirituality instead of abusing their powers disrespectfully? I am happy with how things are going and I will find out about my life when it is time for me to know. Best of luck!”

Right then, Ogi’s head stooped a few millimeters. I am sure I saw a glimmer of sadness in his eyes. 

Whether it was because he lost a sale or because he was deeply ashamed, I will never know.

Lessons Learned

But what I gleaned from that encounter was some of the best direct marketing skills you can only learn from a conman. Oracle Yogi taught me to know who my audience is and sell something I truly believed in. He needed to work on the strategies though.

Despite the traumatic experience of being ambushed, I learned a few things from his ‘premonitions’ that day.

1) Work so hard at what you are passionate about and talk to the right people. The right people can help you become successful, the wrong people will pull your hands back just when you are running towards the finishing line.

2) Choose your friends wisely so you don’t have to watch your back.

3) Sort out your love life. One of the most satisfying relationships that you can ever have does not come from finding the right person. But by being in love with someone who helps you become the right person.


Eat, fortune telling, life, love, Pray, premonition, spiritual, wisdom, yogi

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