For Every ADHD & AuDHD Woman Who Has Ever Been Called “Crazy”
Too many neurodivergent women have been misunderstood. How many of us have walked into a doctor’s office, therapy room, or workplace — only to be told we’re “intense,” “unstable,” or “borderline”?
The truth is this: what is often labelled as Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is, in so many cases, the outward expression of relational injuries and the silent toll of masking. It’s not “madness.” It’s misunderstood neurodivergence.
Here’s what the Gottman Institute illustrated as the emotions beneath the “Angry” iceberg. Anger is too often seen as problematic, but it should invite us to find out about the stories that lie beneath. The misunderstanding is especially poignant for a neurodiverse population that struggles with the following:
- decoding people’s words to know what their intentions are,
- vulnerable to manipulation,
- have a diffused sense of self from chronic masking over a lifetime,
- feel emotions deeply, intensely, viscerally,
- shake off the “good girl” conditioning,
- hyperempathic, forgiving behaviours that aren’t naturally forgivable
- understanding what a reasonable standard for behaviour is, as it was rarely modelled to them in childhood
Why I Want to Deconstruct the BPD Label At The Neurodivergent Phoenix
When ADHD and AuDHD women struggle with rejection sensitivity, hormonal shifts, sensory overwhelm, attachment rupture, or emotional regulation, we are too often pathologised instead of understood. Worse still, when we internalise mistreatment as if we are the problem. These women aren’t broken. They aren’t “crazy.” They are carrying the weight of being unseen in systems not designed for them.
I know because I’ve been there.
And yet, I know most practitioners, colleagues, and loved ones don’t set out to harm. They want to help – but without the right lens, support can easily become mislabelling. And get this, they may be sent down a very different route that may end up bringing more harm than good.
That’s why bringing both groups together is essential. And I want to bridge this gap.
The Neurodivergent Phoenix: A Meeting Point of Science and Soul
On 6 October in Central London, I’m hosting the Neurodivergent Phoenix Convention — a space where ADHD and AuDHD women and the people who support us can stand side by side.
We will explore:
- The neuroscience and biology of ADHD and AuDHD women (including the role of hormones).
- The lived experiences and conditioning that shape our emotional worlds.
- How women can reclaim authenticity, regulate their nervous systems, and self-advocate.
- How practitioners can deepen understanding to deliver care that heals, not harms.
This is not just about science. It’s about soul. It’s about rewriting the story of who neurodivergent women are — and who we have always been. In a community setting, where hierarchy does not exist.
An Invitation to Both ND Women and Practitioners
If you are a neurodivergent woman who has ever been dismissed, mislabelled, or told you’re “crazy,” this space is for you.
If you are a practitioner, colleague, or ally who supports ND women, your presence matters too. Together, we can dismantle stigma and create pathways for true healing and authenticity.
✨ If price is a barrier, message me directly for a discount code to attend.
Join us at the ND Phoenix Convention on 6 October, 6:45–9:45 pm BST, Central London: 👉 https://hub.adhdgirls.co.uk/neurodivergent-phoenix-convention
I would also like to invite you to join me and Leanne Maskell to discuss the topic of AuDHD Women and Relationships this Thursday!
Let’s rise from the ashes of misunderstanding and change the system together.
— Dr Samantha Hiew
#ADHD #AuDHD #WomensEmpowerment #Community
